Authenticity and Empowerment

An Empaths Journey Through Chaos


The following account of my 4th of July madness and insane “adventure” at the Marin County Fair Carnival (Aka: My Brief Journey and Decent Into the Fiery Depths of Hell) began with great excitement, and the hopefulness that I might finally experience “the real world” like most “normal” people do. As you will see however, I am not like most people, I am definitely not “normal”, and I was clearly mistaken.

This is my true story.

Even walking up to the venue I could already feel the pumping bass pouring out of the fairgrounds, as Foreigner blared through the air, vibrating in my entire body like a lightening rod of electricity striking a tall metal pole.

The signs were there, this was not a good fit for me, but I decided to push through and ignore what my body was clearly telling me.

So it was not a surprise that the moment I actually entered the grounds, my nervous system lit up like a Christmas tree that was plugged into way too much voltage, teetering on the verge of an explosive electrical fire, and proceeded to let me know who was boss, by having an epic nuclear level meltdown, on the spot, in response, and rebellion, to the massive overstimulation of being in a large crowd of noisy people, with nowhere to escape the loud sound waves of pumping bass; flashing carnival lights; sickly sweet perfume; musky cologne; continuous clouds of cigarette smoke puffing in my face from all directions, and swirls of highly scented laundry detergent air pockets, that kept whiffing up my nose and burning my eyes, from the petrochemical stench, of what to me, marked the path to dying a slow toxic painful death.

Yeah my nervous system was pissed. And this was all in the first two minutes of arriving…

Feeling actual physical pain in my body, along with nausea, from the cacophony of numerous jarring sounds mixed with the variety of smells and visual stimuli – that had quickly multiplied, combined in force, and taken over my world – I looked around stunned, in amazement at how no one else seemed to even be having a slight issue, in the least.

Welcome to the wacky world of an extraordinary highly sensitive intuitive empath!

I power walked at record speed, practically running through the fairgrounds to escape the obnoxious repetitive pounding noise, seeking solace and refuge, and a quiet spot that the bass did not permeate with its deafening thumping roar.

No luck.

As I wove my way through the crowded maze of people absorbed in their sugar coated deep friend funnel cakes, greasy French fries, enormous triangle slices of pepperoni pizza dripping with rancid oil, and red plastic cups of cheap beer, I felt like I’d hopped dimensions and was now trapped in a twisted version of my own personal hellish hall of mirrors; a nightmare that kept getting louder and smellier and increasing in intensity by the moment as my need to escape ‘Right NOW’, became urgent and hit the red zone.

I even found myself spiraling into old patterns of self talk and muttering out loud about how fucked up the world is and how I can’t live on this planet in this level of unconsciousness and toxicity. I caught myself, on the verge of tears, and looked for the closest exit.

It wasn’t until I’d found the exit and walked several blocks back toward my car, away from the cloud of noise and noxious odors, that my nervous system stopped buzzing and calmed down enough for me to regain my bearings and remember to give myself an energetic healing.

This helped me quickly rebound and find my natural rhythm again.

Within moments I felt grounded and had returned back into my body. I had essentially blasted out energetically in search of refuge from the sudden and violent shock to my nervous system. I was now smiling and laughing with my friend ― who hadn’t skipped a beat, following me out of the event, supporting me 100% the entire time.

As my system relaxed, I could clearly see the lesson, and the blessin, in it all.

What I’ve come to know is that our Essence (Higher Self) will allow foreign energy (garbage) into our space for a teaching. Once we get the nugget of the lesson, we can easily and quickly release any pain or discomfort we’ve picked up during the experience.

But we MUST get the lesson and understand the teaching, in order to stop repeating the old energetic patterns and recreating the same old stories on a loop.

For me, in this case, there were several lessons.

1. Stop trying to fit in and do “normal” things that are not truly resonant or aligned with your soul. It’s okay to be exactly who you are and not conform with the masses. It’s okay to be different and it’s time to own that now.

2. Listen to your body, pay attention to the signs and signals, and stop before you enter a red zone that is clearly not compatible with you. Energetic discernment is necessary all the time ― And please, listen to your intuition.

3. You are that powerful, that you can heal yourself, even after a nuclear level meltdown in what feels like a hellish nightmare of garbage exploding all over you. AND you have friends that love and support you through the insanity and chaos of it all.

We waited until the sun went down and watched from a distance, as the darkness filled with brightly colored sparkling fireworks, painting their dreamy luminous light song across the night sky.

I left with immense gratitude for what turned out to be a magical and amazing evening, filled with some beautiful learning, a lot of healing alchemy, and yet another opportunity to step up and heal my own shit without constantly looking outside of myself for someone ‘more powerful’ to ‘rescue’ me.

There is always a blessing in a shit storm. Always. This is part of my unfolding story of what I now call, The Alchemy of Awakening.

Diana Rose Kottle

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