We all seek love and partnership on some level. We are creatures of connection who desire other beings to share our lives with. Our biology is hardwired for intimate connection and closeness.
Sometimes in our haste or “need” for intimacy, often out of feeling lonely, or perhaps because our self esteem is low and we believe we must ‘take what we can get’, we may choose people to partner with or enter into relationships with, who are not healthy or truly aligned, who do not honor the fullness of our being, and who may even be outright abusive towards us. We forget that we have the power to choose, either empowering relationships, or disempowering ones.
This is not romantic relationship specific, and can show up across the board: in our friendships, our intimate relationships, our business relationships, with our family, etc.
Why do people choose disempowering relationships, even when often times they know better?
Your early programming and conditioning influences and shapes the way you show up as an adult. To test this theory, simply go home and interact with your parents and watch how easy it becomes to regress into old dynamics, reactive behaviors, and patterns from your childhood. Notice how no matter what actual age you are, you can quickly morph into a five year old version of yourself, with major needs, within moments of interacting with your family of origin.
You learn about relationships from what you witness and experience in your family systems, from your schooling, from the media, from society. You compile massive amounts of input and data, which imprint and create entire belief systems within your mind and in your energy bodies. From all this stimuli and encoded data, you anchor in emotional responses and create deep grooves in your brain, that become your ‘go to’ way of being, reacting, and thinking about certain things.
Your behaviors become engrained and automatic, as you blast through life on autopilot, in an almost constant unconscious state of reaction, operating primarily from your familiar anchored habitual states. In these moments, it can be easy to forget that you always have a choice in how you respond, and that you do have the power to change both the way you relate to other people, and how you show up in the world.
Neuroplasticity — your ability to form new neural connections and change the old outdated ones — allows you to rewire these deep grooves in your brain, and essentially upgrade your personal operating system. You can change the way your neurons fire, creating new healthier ways of relating and being in the world.
This requires a conscious effort on your part, plus a desire and willingness to do what it takes to make these changes last. There is no magic bullet, no quick fix, no instant solution, no ‘one-size-fits-all’ formula, to make every issue you’ve ever had magically vanish into thin air — even though this is what many people seek, and thus what many people sell and promise as the hook to engage you and lure you into their healing system.
Healing is a layered process, which unfolds over time. Even miracles, which can and do happen in an instant, often set in motion a deeper level healing process that unwinds and unravels over time as well. And as much as you may truly want to be, ultimately you are not in control of exactly what this unfolding looks like, or how long it takes. Sure, you can choose how you show up in the process. You can even use intentions and prayer to seed your desires and consciously communicate with the Universe (you can be an active participant in the process), however ultimately, Divine timing and your soul’s larger plan, have the final say, every single time.
Another reason people choose and then stay in disempowering, unhealthy, and abusive relationships, is to learn.
You will continue to attract situations and people into your life, until you receive the teachings and the lessons they offer. This is why you may continue to have relationship after relationship with the same energetic and emotional patterns at play. The beautiful piece, is that once you glean the wisdom and shift the pattern within yourself, your external world, and the relationships you are drawn to and attract, will also change, mirroring your new personal shifts and growth.
When you stay in relationships that block you from your light, and starve you of the nutrients your soul truly needs to grow, you become out of sync with your true authentic self and with your natural and harmonious rhythms. You become a wilted flower in desperate need of sunshine and water. When you ignore the warning signs, dismiss the bright red flags, and stay in unhealthy situations for too long, your actual survival can become a serious and pressing issue. You can become dis-eased, which manifests in many forms, as your body’s brilliant way of expressing that something is seriously wrong and out of order, on a deep soul level.
Pay attention to how your body feels in regards to your relationships.
Your body’s symptoms are not a punishment. Your body does not hate you. Pain and dis-ease are simply your bodies way of communicating to your personality, to your small self, that there is something to wake up and pay attention to. Your body will continue to scream until you begin listening to it, learn how to decode its messages, and then take the necessary and aligned actions to remedy the source of the issues.
Your mind, your body, and your soul, are all interconnected and work together to keep you healthy, aligned, and in balance. You must recognize and attune to what it is you actually require, at the deepest core level of your being, in order to truly change what is not working and to restore a healthy balance.
How do you begin to shift these unhealthy relationship patterns?
Self love is a biggie here.The most common block I encounter with my clients is an inability or struggle with being able to say “I love you” to themselves. This simple practice of saying “I love you”, has the ability to show you and reveal exactly where you are blocked, and what the deep core level issues are that are keeping you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, energetically and even physically stuck. The amount of information that rises to the surface, from this exercise alone, is absolutely stunning. I’ve witnessed people begin transforming their entire life through simply learning how to love themselves more fully.
Making the conscious choice to invite empowered relationships into your life is another key.
You must choose to love yourself enough to walk away from unhealthy or abusive relationships. Instead of staying in an unaligned relationship, or jumping headfirst into yet another version of the relationship you are leaving, get clear on what an aligned relationship entails for you. Then wait for an aligned partnership with someone who truly sees you, truly loves you, truly respects you, and truly appreciates ALL of you.
Never settle for anything or anyone who diminishes your sparkle or attempts to dim your light.
Do not allow the harsh words, or projections of fear from another, to influence or affect the way you feel about yourself. Keep in mind that people show you their inner world and their beliefs, through the language they use and the actions they choose to take. Pay attention, because people will tell you and show you exactly what they want and what they are capable of giving, when you really listen vs. hearing what you want to hear through your own perceptual filters and personal agendas.
Instead of giving away your power, practice claiming your worthiness, and begin owning how valuable and lovable — how absolutely amazing — you truly are. Choose to surround yourself with people who see you for who you are at your core, who honor the complete fullness of your being, without attempting to change or control the authentic way you express your truth in the world.
Remember, you are 100% worthy of being deeply loved and adored, profoundly respected, and treated like the incredible beautiful powerful light being you truly are. If you believe anything less than this, it’s time to learn how to claim your worthiness and to learn how to love yourself regardless of the noise and chaos that tells you otherwise.
Patiently wait for the aligned soul connections with other’s that you truly desire. And as you wait, BE the best version of yourself, clean up the areas of your life that could use some loving attention, LOVE yourself to the moon and back, and cultivate your own bright glowing inner light, daily.
You are worth it. You are lovable. You are enough. It’s time to claim your worthiness and to love all of who you are, right now.
This is all part of what I call, The Alchemy of Awakening.
– Originally published on www.huffingtonpost.com –
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article please share it ❤
Are you ready to align with your soul’s true purpose, to live your highest vision + impact the world?